Thursday, October 7, 2010

Wasn't Quite Ready To Leave

Ever since the song American Honey by Lady Antebellum came out, I have been addicted to it. I blast it every time it comes on the radio. Hubby hears it and always says, 'it's baby's song' :)
I feel like the song is about me...well kinda. I didn't grow up in a small town, but the words just cling to me.
I actually get teary-eyed sometimes when I listen to it.
One part that really hits home to me right now with all the change going on by up-rooting my life and moving to Texas, is bolded below. I always have wanted to move to Texas. I have a lot of family here that I love so much.  A lot of cousins that are my age. I have always thought when we get to the stage where we have kids I would live close to them so our kiddos can grow up together. I always loved coming here on vacation and being with everyone.
I thought I would love this 'small town' feel. I thought I would love a change of pace from the craziness that California brings. But now that I am here, I am unsure. It is much more difficult than I thought ::trying not to tear up::  I know southern California like the back of my hand. I know where everything is. All my friends are there. My life is there. California will always be my home. Now I know nothing. I don't like the unknown. I don't like that I have to drive 15 minutes before I get to a grocery store. I don't like that I have to wait 15 minutes to get my coffee at Starbucks. Yes to those of you who have grown up in the 'slower paced' states this may not seem like a big deal. But it really irks me. I have no patience to begin with, thanks to California, so coming here my patience has been tested many a times.
I thought I was ready to leave, to experience something new, something different. I thought I was ready to leave my home and start fresh. But I am not don't think I was ready to leave. I don't think it was the right times in my life to make this big of a change. Leaving home makes me miss it that much more. It makes me wish I was back, even if it is much more expensive to live. I feel like I am not myself out here, I feel like I am trying to hard to like it...but it shows that I don't. California is calling my name. (Hopefully in the near future after we save some money, we can go home)
Hubby and I met in Oceanside near Camp Pendleton...and that is where we want to be. We want to be where it all started with us. We loved having our own town, our own life. We loved all the time we were able to spend together away from family and friends. It was just far enough where we could still visit or get visits on any weekend. I so badly want that back. We had the time of our lives together living at the beach. It was our own. I never thought I really wanted living far from family (2 hours), but now that I have experienced other things since we lived there,  I want that back more than anything.
Now that you all know the reasoning behind this song...I also decided to name it my blog. I think it really speaks who I am and where I come from.

She grew up on a side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American honey

Steady as a preacher
Free as a weed
Couldn't wait to get goin'
But wasn't quite ready to leave

So innocent, pure and sweet
American honey

There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey

Get caught in the race
Of this crazy life
Tryin' to be everything can make you lose your mind
I just wanna go back in time
To American honey, yea

There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey

Gone for so long now
I gotta get back to her somehow
To American honey

Ooh There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothin's sweeter than summertime
And American honey
And American honey

Can I please go back home?
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