Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Missing Home...Missing Our Lives

The new year is just right around the corner. It is just 4 days away. I am trying to become more positive with our situation. I am trying to be more optimistic living down here.
But you know, it is just not working. I have been here since Septemeber and every.single.day. since then I have wanted to get back home to California.
I apply for tons of jobs. But I just can't seem to get a break. What is wrong? Is something wrong with me? What can I do to get 'noticed' in the job market? I am even applying to positions with employee recommendations and I get nothing in return. What is the deal???
I am a dedicated hard worker. I just want to be able to show someone that. I work my bootie off at Starbucks and I am only making $7.25 and hour. Yes, $7.25. It is so sad for me when I get my paychecks and they barely cover a car payment, because I used to make $25.00 an hour and could cover a lot more than a car payment.
I am beyond myself at this point as to what I need to do. Hubby and I cannot afford to live on our own right now, so we live with my folks and have since we got back from our honeymoon in July. Let me just tell you, it is seriously not good for newlyweds to live with parents. There have been some tough times unfortunately.

This situation is nothing what I thought my life would be. I know I had always wanted to come to Texas. So I quit my job and we moved here with my family. Not a good decision on our parts. This isn't what either of us want for ourselves. So here we are trying to get back to California. The place we met. The place we belong. Yet, we are no closer than we were when we first got here. It seems every time something seems like it will work out and we will get to go home...it fails us. It doesn't work out.
We don't want to be here living with my parents. I feel like we are moving backwards, when we should be moving forwards now that we are married. I feel like our planning for a family is going now where since we are not settled and aren't close to being settled.
This is going to sound so lame, but I feel like I pissed someone off out there and karma is kicking me in the butt. I haven't done anything to anyone, so I know that isn't it. But I cannot figure out why things are working in our favor. Not once since our honeymoon has anything worked out for hubby and I. Why is this????
I feel like neither of us are ourselves since we have been living with family and out here in Texas.
I feel like we are our happiest...
When we are by the ocean
When we are on our own (obviously)
When we had money to go out and do things
When we were active (rollerblading, running, hiking, etc)
When we lived a few hours from everyone
When can we have that back??? I miss it more than any words could explain. I miss having that with my husband. I miss being on our own and having our own lives and doing our own things.

What can we do to get us back to southern California???

Sorry for the venting...just one of those nights.



Caroline said...

Praying for things to get better!

Rebekah said...

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. Being in a new place is hard especially when you never thought it would be like this. I'll be praying for you guys!

Kate said...

Oh no girlfriend -- I'm in California and trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Traffic. Smog. Crowds. Tourists. Okay, okay... I know that didn't help you to feel better, but I tried :) With time, you will feel more and more at peace. Plus, home is where your honey is!

ProudArmyWife21 said...

praying that things start to look up for you guys.

Eric's Mommy said...

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from with the job thing. I got laid off over a year ago from a biotech company I worked at for over 10 years, they closed the site. I was making good money and loved my job. Now I'll be lucky if I can find a job making what I take home on unemployment. It is awful. Most of the biotech companies are too far away for me to commute to make it worth it. I have a degree in Animal Science but most of my experience is with Primates! UGH.
I'll think positive thoughts for both of us, hang in there! Here's to a better 2011.

Nicole-Lynn said...

I'm sorry! :( When the time is right, and when the right job comes along you will know and it will happen naturally! Patience is key :)

Hang in there girlie!

Sharon said...

Lindsay just go back ... you moved here without a job, just go back,. Work at a Starbucks until you find something else. Many people will just move if that is what they want. Maybe it is not working here becasue you are not supposed to be here??? Just take the risk and move. I love you

Katie said...

Aw I'll be thinking of you! I can only imagine how tough it is. Always remember life has a funny way of working things out on it's own :) I hope it gets better for you guys!

MJ said...

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this...I hope that everything starts to turn in your direction in the new year :)

The Wife In Her New Life said...

You and your hubs are in my thoughts and prayers. I just know things will work out in the New Year.
I sent you an email =)

Jamie said...

In 1967 we spent 6 months going back and forth from CA to TX . . . kind of fun as a child (not for my parents). However, we went back to CA - lived in a motel for a month, then eventually dad and mom found jobs and a place to live. I have absolutely wonderful memories of that trying time - made for a VERY strong family connection between my parents, and sibs. If your heart is home in CA go for it . . . have faith that things will fall into place. It always does . . . I do believe that God will watch over y'all and keep you safe. Love you lots Lindsay and Tony.

Megan said...

So sorry that ya'll are going through a rough time! Just hang in there. I'm saying a prayer for ya'll! I hope things start looking up!!