Thursday, April 14, 2011

Constant Battle With Myself

How do you know what you want to be when you grow up?!?!

I struggle with this. A lot.
It is a constant battle.

I am 27 years old. I am grown up, right? Or am I?
Or when do you consider yourself 'grown up'?
What age is actually considered a 'grown up'?

I wanted to be a
Nurse
Teacher
Actress
Radiology Technician
Business Woman
Momma

I have wanted to be it all. I cannot even tell you how many times I have gone back and forth with what I want to do with my life.

I have contemplated nursing a million and one times.
I have wanted to be a NICU or PICU nurse.
I have always imagined how amazing it would be to help babies/children gain their health back.

I know I would make great, no I take that back, amazing money being a nurse.
It would be a great job to have once we have kids.

But as I try to apply for school, I am realizing I have a several years ahead of me. 
That irritates the shit out of me. To be frank.
That would make me 30+ years old once I am finished.
Am I just scared to do it?
Do I really not want to do it?
What is my deal?!? Not sure...

I don't want school to be my priority right now.
I feel like school was always a priority for me.
And well, my degree has gotten me nowhere.
At least that's how I'm feeling.

I wish I went to school for something that made me great money.
That made me want to go to work.
That made me content in my life.
I cannot do anything about that. The time has come and gone. I got my B.S. in Healthcare Administration. What is that?!? Who knows. But it is a degree right ;)

I am going to be completely honest here.
I want to be a momma.
Yup, that is what I want to be when I grow up.

To me that is a job.
Rewarding. Tiring. Amazing. Difficult.
My dream job.
For real.

I cannot wait to be a momma.
If we had money in the bank, I would jump on it.
{sorry that sounds dirty}
 Being that we don't have money right now to afford a child.
What do I do with my life?
I am not sure.

Is it weird that I'd love to dress cute everyday.
Jeans. Blouse. Heels. Jewelry. Hair did.
I like chatting with people.
I like being outside.
Not glued to a desk.
I enjoy working with others.

I want a job that is some what flexible so we can have a family.

So what kind of job is that?
Who the hell knows?

How did you all decide where to work?
What kind of career you wanted?
What you wanted to be when you grow up?
Did you all have this much difficulty?

It stresses me out.
Maybe a little too much.
Any advice?

9 comments:

Nicole said...

Oh Girl, I am going to be 30 in 2 weeks and I still have NO idea what I want to be when I grow up.....I mean when I was young I thought that by now I would have 2 kids and now I am not sure when I want to have any. I don't think we truly ever know what we want or when we want it

Sarah Kelly said...

I got a degree in Education and didn't get a job my first year out of college...so I'm feeling the EXACT same way. I could be content with being a housewife if we had money. But being a poor housewife is SO not fun!! I could also go back to school, but I thought I would be done with that by now.

Education is a good job for moms because you have evenings, weekends, holidays, and summers off :)

Ashley said...

I still have no clue what I want to do. I just turned 26 and I'm in a job that has nothing to do with my degree. I'm ok here but at the same time I want to make some money and have a career. I'm glad to hear I am not the only one dealing with these struggles.
I never felt a calling like my little sister did who is proving to be an amazing teacher. I'm just kind of going with it...one think I DO know, if I had changed anything about my education AT ALL, i wouldn't be married to the man I love. I probably would have never met him -- that's when I realize, it doesn't REALLY matter (for me) that I don't know what I want to do. I wouldn't have done things differently

Keep your head up sweets, you'll find the answers =)

Rebekah said...

I haven't finished my degree and I really don't like what it is. I don't enjoy it at all! I relaly want to be a momma, too. It's the only thing that I KNOW I'm supposed to be.

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

Let me tell you, you are preaching to the chior here! I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up either. Its frusterating becasue while I like my job, I just don't feel like I have a clear direction for my "career."

Laura @ Wine and Cheese, Please said...

Yep--I'm 27 and have no idea what I want to do. I'm lucky that I have a decent job but it's not what I "want" to do in life at all. Maybe one day I'll figure it out...

Sharon said...

Linsy I dont think you will ever "grow up"! Your momma who is 55 still does not feel all grown up nor do I kow what I want to be when I grow up. I always wanted to do something with creativity and the job I have been in for the past 22 yers does not give me that but at times I find it through my hobbies. I think you need to go back and be a nurse; If you get pregnant in the process oh well, you can still complete school and be a nurse. You will spend two years out of your life getting your nurinsg degree and it will last you a life time and work well with kids. Stop being afraid, don;t take after me...I was alwasy afraid to try somehting and I regret that fear to this day. Just start it. It may take longer as life may get in the way but start it now! Love you

Jamie said...

Hi Lindsay . . . 52 and still no clue! But, having the kids was THE MOST important and rewarding career I've ever had.

All I would say is to have fun and enjoy whatever you do for employment (to pay for the necessities). However, you'd be a fantastic nurse - so try it! Time ticks by regardless. So, get registered and start working towards being a nurse (excellent field as a mother too). You can do it!

Most of all cherish every moment with your loved ones.

Love ya - Jamie

Romance In A Glance said...

Love this post...

I have danced my WHOLE life...I am trained in every style of dance and it was and still is the only thing I ever wanted to do. Aside from that, I want to be a wife and stay at home mother.

I have toyed with the ideas of interior design, graphic design, photography and writing. And I want my own business. Instead, I have a Bachelor's in Business and WAS working on a Master's in Education until I realized I didn't really want to teach.

Now, because of my blog, I know I really want to write. And I want to dance professionally...but being married to a man who is still in college in a small town has kind of hindered that {but I LOVE my hubs}. Then I know I want to be a stay at home mom.

I currently work at a bank so that way I can be an adult and have a "big girl" job, complete with insurance and holidays. BUT as fortunate as I am, I have grown to despise it and have become really upset that I am just "settling." I don't want to just "settle" on a job because it pays the bills and looks good on my resume. I want a job that is creative and one that makes me happy and allows me time with my children.

So have you ever heard of a dancing author that stays at home with her babies and makes her husband happy?

If you know her...let me know!

Thanks for your post...makes me feel better that I'm not the only sad, mopey person about my job. Good luck to all of us women with big aspirations!

Have a great day!