Monday, April 11, 2011

Hard Day...

I just need to vent. I am having a shity day. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to blink my eyes and go back in time. I want my life to be how it was.

I want my old job back. I want to make decent money again. I want to see my friends and have girl time. I want to see California sunshine.

Honestly, I didn't think I would miss my life back in California as much as I do. I miss everything about it. I hate that I work in food service and make minimum wage. I hate that I don't have weekends off. That I don't work 9-5.

I complained a lot. I admit it. I complained about how I hated my job. But seriously I think I just needed to see what it was like working elsewhere. Have I mentioned I hate it?!? I would give anything to have that job back. To be back in California. To make at least 50,000 a year like I used to.

As I am writing this, I am holding back tears so Tony doesn't see me crying. I am just beyond frustrated. I have never been so tight with money. I have never had to watch every penny I spend. I have never considered myself poor or low class, but to be honest with what Tony and I make right now, we are definitely on the lower class side.

It is difficult for me to put a smile on my face every day because I know we are hurting. We are struggling. We are getting rid of things we love because we can't afford it. We are probably going to trade in our lively Ford truck and get something with a smaller payment.

I never thought this would happened to me. I have always been great with money. I have always prepared myself for the future. Where did I go wrong this time?!?!? I let others get in my head, that is what happened. I let others influence my thinking. Do I regret it? Yes every ounce of it.

I am not happy here in Texas. I am not myself. I feel like Tony & I have struggled enough in our first year as a married couple. I feel like we haven't been ourselves together because we are so stressed with surviving and making money.

I kick myself in the ass fairly often for making the decision to come here. I wish I could blink my eyes and I would be back home.

I miss my sisters. A lot. I miss my friends, girl time. I need it back.


Sorry for such a depressing, complaining post. A bad day for me. I just cried in a conversation to my dad for the first time about our struggles. I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

I just want to scream and cry an run away. I'm drowning inside.

15 comments:

Mrs. Mama said...

I am so sorry that you are going through all this. My heart goes out to you. It is OKAY to cry. Talk it over with Tony. Let him know how you feel. You are strong, and WILL get through this. This economy can just kiss our ass. I'm over it... and I can see you are too! Hugs from Indiana :)

Lindsay @ My Happily Ever After said...

So sorry that you are having a tough time. It's ok to vent, we all need to just GET IT OUT every now and then :) That's what friends (and blogs!) are for!

I have been having a really hard time being happy lately. My husband & I have been TTC for 7 months with no luck...it was taking a toll on me and putting a strain on our brand new marriage. I came up with a Happy Plan..something that doesn't hinge my happiness upon whether or not I get pregnant or not. It's been EXTREMELY helpful, you're welcome to come by my blog and check it out anytime you like. Maybe you could apply part of it to your own situation :)

Best of luck to you and your husband!!!!!

AMY said...

So Sorry!
Big HUGS! Its good to vent, but talk with Tony and let him help!
Hang in there, things will turn around!

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Laura @ Wine and Cheese, Please said...

I have absolutely no advice for you but I feel so bad for you! ::::hug::: I hope things turn around for you guys soon.

Suze said...

Praying for you girl , sending warm hugs and positive thoughts your way!

Megan said...

I'm SO SO sorry that you are having such a rough time, girl! I think that you definitely need to talk to Tony...y'all have to be in this together, so it's totally okay to let him see you cry!!! I'm praying for y'all. Just try and remember that God is always there with y'all and wants to help EVERY step of the way!

Lisa said...

When I read this, I thought I wrote this. This is exactly ME, I am sturggling with a very similiar situation. My heart goes out to you. And I can only imagine the strain it is on a 1st year of Marriage. I just continue to pray and remember that good things come to those who wait. And that the man upstairs only gives us what he knows we can handle. And we must be very strong. Hang in there, I know it can be hard. You will get thru this.

Ash and Matt | A SoCal Story said...

I've been there, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. The money situation is especially frustrating when you go from having your own, awesome salary to living off your husband's military paycheck because you gave up your entire life to support him. And even though it totally sucks, it's worth it to be with him. But that doesn't make it any easier, you know?

Hang in there! Moving is never easy, but time makes it better.

Eric's Mommy said...

I am so sorry you are having a difficult time. I know exactly what it is like, we are struggling really bad right now. Hang in there honey!

David and Elizabeth said...

Remember that everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up! You and Tony are both strong people and will get through this!

Chris said...

Hey, just wanted to forward you some open positions here at Alcon.

https://jobs.alcon.com/viewjob.html?optlink-view=view-35238&ERFormID=newjoblist&ERFormCode=any

https://jobs.alcon.com/viewjob.html?optlink-view=view-31758&ERFormID=newjoblist&ERFormCode=any

This one would be prefect for your background;

https://jobs.alcon.com/viewjob.html?optlink-view=view-36821&ERFormID=newjoblist&ERFormCode=any

This might be good to Tony;

https://jobs.alcon.com/viewjob.html?optlink-view=view-36558&ERFormID=newjoblist&ERFormCode=any

Anyway, take a look and let me know. I can help you get in contact with the right people.

Chris

Miss Southern Vol said...

Awww you poor thing! I feel ya here.... its soo hard to have that kind of change that completely uproots your life! Stay strong, lean on your husband... that is what yall are meant to be there for each other! I promise you will jhave better days! If you were in Georgia we could have missing home pitty parties together!! Thinking about you

Smiling is Good for Your Teeth said...

Oh girl, stay strong! You will look back on this time in your life and smile! I know it is hard to see it now, but it WILL happen! You are strong with a great support system!

The Burtons said...

Hey girl, wow I read some of your blogs and it's crazy how similiar our stories are! My Husband and I met out here in CA and decided to move to Dallas,TX last year b/c cost of living difference and be closer to my family...well we only lasted 7 months. We were so unhappy and missed CA so much we had to come back! And yes, it is SUCH a strain on a new marriage I completely understand! What do you do? I work in HR/recruiting for a commercial real estate company- CB Richard Ellis. And yes, we LOVE Balboa Island and were just there last weekend :)