Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sunday...Six Years Ago

I cannot believe it has been 6 years since I've been able to talk to you. Six years!!! I can close my eyes and remember our last conversation at the table eating bean dip. Sometimes I forget that you are no longer here. Like you are at school or the movies. I want to just call you up and tell you about my day. Bitch about our sisters or mom or dad. Then there is other times where I forget some of our memories and I hate myself for that. I remember random things that would mean nothing to other people because they weren't around. You and I spent so much time together, Erich. You were my best friend. We shared so much together. I miss you so much. I try to hold myself together in front of other people, but when I am alone {like right now} I just want to scream and cry and I just don't understand why you were taken from us.
I often wonder what our lives would be like today if you were still here. What your life would be like. I know you would have finished school and gotten your degree. Maybe even gotten married. Oh, you would love to be married. It is the greatest thing ever. I love it!! It's so not what mom always said...it is amazing! ;-) Maybe even babies :) David had a baby over summer. A baby girl. Still haven't met her, but I am sure if you were around David would have brought her around instantly.
New things with the family....well everyone is separated now and it totally sucks!! Kelley goes to Berkeley, Lauren goes to Humboldt, Aarika and mom are in Texas, dad is in California and Texas. Tony and I are here alone. Kinda sad how we all don't see each other much anymore. We were all so close before. I think this year everyone is having a hard time with you not being here. But of course, we all deal with it on our own...true Malone fashion. 
I am not sure why God took you from us. At such a young age. I will never know. No one will. But that Sunday morning was the worst day of my life. That day changed me forever. All of us actually. I can honestly say not one of us in the immediate family is the same person. Not sure if that is good or bad. But it's the truth. Our lives were flipped upside down. I miss you terribly. I do talk about you though. Fairly often. I tell Tony stories about you. He asks questions about you. It helps. But there is still pain. A lot.
It is a hard time for us all, but really watch over mom and dad. I know it is insanely hard for them. Whether they talk about it or not. They miss you so much Erich. We all do. Keep watching over us. I love you!

The only thing that gives me hope
Is that I know I'll see you again some day

7 comments:

Kate said...

This post had me sobbing. I understand what you're going through, from Tony's perspective, I suppose. My heart is breaking for you and your family.. take care and do something special/memorable today, in honor of your bro. Bless...

mojo said...

i think of you all so very often, and i am so grateful for the bond that i have with your family. i love you all so much for being there for me and for including me in so many ways over the past 6 years- even from 1,000 miles away. your family is so important to me and i am so blessed to know you and to have known your brother. stay strong today, linz, and know that erich is always watching and always listening, guiding you, loving you and giving you the strength to move forward and to live your life for him and in memory of him. I love you so much and I'm thinking about all of you today- sending all of my love towards you today. Hang in there linz...

love you lots,
xoxo
molly

Lindsay said...

Praying for you all during this tough time!

AMY said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hold onto those beautiful memories in your heart!
Big HUGS!

Smiling is Good for Your Teeth said...

keep those memories in your heart and he will always be there to take care of you and your family and will always be alive in your hearts and souls :-)

Sharon said...

This was a beautiful post Lindsay. Erich is always by your side.

Jamie@HandlingWithGrace said...

I lost my Mom recently. It is so hard. I just hope it dulls as the years pass. Hugs.