Tuesday, July 31, 2012

another bump in the road

{written on Friday July 27th}
the last few days have been such a whirlwind of emotions for me. mentally exhausted.
emotionally drained. puffy eyes. lots of tears.
monday at school we were scanning each other in class. learning how to use the machines. practicing on each other. one of my classmates scanned me and saw a cyst. a large cyst on my right side. so the instructor comes over...he starts scanning and then i begin to worry. freak out. silently of course. i played in cool and calm in class. that night i got home from work and was changing out of my scrubs when i felt a large pain in my lower right abdomen area. right under my incision from january. it was an awful feeling. not sure what it was. just wasn't normal at all. so i laid low the rest of the night.
tuesday morning i woke up with terrible cramps in my lower back and lower pelvic region. so weird because literally just finished my period on saturday. so of course my mind begins to wander where it shouldn't. i get out of the shower and BAM i started my period yet again...
seriously?!?! when is this going to get straightened out?!??!? not just a normal period. full on crazy bleeding!! {sorry for all the tmi} so i got on about my day and during my lunch break i had my co-worker/US tech scan me. she immediately said i needed to get my butt to the dr./ER. i called and made an appt to get an US instead of paying for the ER. the tech starts scanning me and says...are you sure you got your right ovary removed?!?! umm...why yes, i am almost positive being that i wrote on my left side of my body do not remove left ovary and my incision is on my right side. she just looks at me like im an idiot. she finishes up the transabdominal scan and goes into the transvaginal. not saying another word. which i know she cannot, but my mind was all over the place. tells me results will be to my dr within an hour. an hour and a half later i still haven't heard from my dr. so i call his office and low and behold they are closed early!!! i was so irritated! i called the radiology dept at the hospital and asked if they could scan me the results. they did. the report was out of whack. seriously, i was in shock at how wrong the tech was. about 530p the dr finally calls me. he says i need to get to surgery asap. i ask if there are any other options. he says no. he says we cannot rule out cancer either. ummm seriously?!??! why do they throw that out there. good way to scare the shit out of a patient!! he says he is sending the authorization to the insurance company and we hang up. i begin to cry. i try to tell tony everything he said, but the tears just wont stop. im exhausted from this entire thing. i don't want another surgery. i feel like they are going to tell me i cannot have kids. im scared. really scared. tony just holds me and listens. tries to make me laugh and tells me all things will work out.
wednesday i got to school and work. i get an mri done through people i know at work to figure out exactly where the cyst is. if it is on my uterus. my left ovary. the remainings of what is on my right side. btw an mri is extremely loud and claustrophobic. never had one before...i do not like those. but if it helps...that is good, right? i was all over the place wednesday. emotionally. mentally. just everywhere. i could not focus on anything.
thursday the mri instructor and US instructor/co-worker at work try to read the mri. tell me as much info as possible. my co-worker/US instructor is trying to get in touch with a dr. friend for me so i can get a second opinion. i get scanned again. cyst cleared a little bit inside, but the size hasn't changed. i got an appt for the second opinion today, the 27th, at 345p. i was told to be on bed rest, move very minimally. until i see him. he said i should may have to immediately have surgery, but he wants to see me first and examine me.
i am extremely nervous. scared. anxious. i cannot stop thinking about it. i want this all to go away. i have been praying nonstop. asking God to protect me. heal me. take care of me. i thought {had hoped} that with the second period coming and going it would decrease the size of the cyst....but it doesn't look like that happened. that was what i was looking forward to hearing and seeing. but i am in God's hands. whatever happens, he will watch over me. i need to be positive. i will get through this.
results from the doctor:
~cyst is quite large.
~no emergency surgery...yet.
~on provera {hormone pill} for 10 days to see if it will help reduce the size of the cyst.
~have to lay low...pretty much nothing to overexert my body. no exercise. no walking far distances. no lifting. no sex. pretty much just sitting on my ass.
~he referred me to a laproscopy specialist/infertility specialist that i need to call first thing monday.
~this doctor will then continue moving forward with me, as to what we do next...
~we really liked this doctor. super informative and helpful. and he is on board with us regarding having a baby is priority.

now we just have to wait until we see this specialist. i am praying and praying the cyst reduces in size so i do not have to have another surgery. staying positive. whatever is needed is what i will do.

the most important thing is to keep my one ovary alive and well so we can have a family. so if that means surgery...then that's what i have to do. i know god is on my side and will be with me through everything. he isn't giving me too much to handle, it's natural for the nerves and anxiety...just another bump in the road.


Caitlin said...

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through the past week or so. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you don't need to have emergency surgery and if you do, that everything still remains intact for you to have a family someday.

It is totally normal for you to react the way you have been and I can only hope that time will tell good news and that your heart can heal. Stay strong<3

Eric's Mommy said...

I am so so sorry to hear about all this. I will be thinking about you and I hope everything turns out ok. Hang in there friend.

Smiling is Good for Your Teeth said...

Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. Stay positive and remember to breathe.

Ashley said...

Ugh... so frustrating!! I hope things get better for you and that you feel a bit better. Chin up hun! Everything WILL be okay!!

Rebekah said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Praying for you and guidance from the doctors!

AllyRae said...

Hang in there sweet girl. I'll be praying for you and the wisdom and expertise of your doctors. God never forsakes us. :)

Kasey Lynne said...

Oh Lindsay..I'm so sorry that you're going through this yet again. Praying that the cyst gets smaller and that this new specialist will know what to do to keep them from coming back.

Please keep us updated!

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