Tuesday, January 15, 2013

all spread out

growing up we were a tight knit family. like super tight knit. some might think kinda unhealthy. but we just didn't keep secrets from each other. my mom seriously knew everything. guess you could say i am the goodie-too-shoes of the family. don't hate! i brag now because the gray hair my parents are getting is from my seestors not me ;)

now this tight knit family of ours is totally spread out. and it actually weirds me out. i am getting used to it. but i think once we have some crazy kiddos, my thoughts will change. dad goes between california and texas, so i see him for weeks while he's here, then it feels like months until i see him again. mom and stepdad live in texas, although thank goodness mom travels back here for work...i get to see her usually every other month. kell goes to berkley. laur is kinda all over the place....love you laur! ;) aarika (aka seestor) is all over too. texas, santa barbara, texas, santa barbara, texas...

tony and i are here. kinda feels like we are on our own. although we are lucky to see my parents fairly often for the moment...hope that doesn't go away. although i do get nervous it might.

with all that being said, it is odd to not see my family regualry. to not have us all together at one time. even on christmas we werent. someone was always missing...

at times it is nice that tony and i have our own thing. and not worry we have to see family tonight or whatnot.

but then i get sad.

i get sad i cant just go over to mom's house and have her cook...ok well we all know mom doesnt cook anymore. so guess we would have pizza or something. watch movies. and just chill in her living room like we used to.

i get sad that seestor is so far away. my best friend. we don't get our coffee dates like we used to on a regular basis (aka ditching work or school). we don't get to shop together. or gossip to each other the same. sit on her bed and cuddle. yes, my seestor and i cuddle.

i get sad kell is up at berkely and i havent even visited her. or that when she is down we see each other for a few horus and thats it. not real bonding time.

i get sad laur is close right now since she lives at her moms house, but i still never see her. sad that we just don't make the time for each other.

i am lucky to say though, i get to see dad the most often...or at least the most often within a time period. i see him at work. i chat with him at work. we have coffee together. we catch up. about school. life. work. i cherish those times. because when he goes to texas, i truly do miss it. i am happy i have him here.

it is strange the older we get...we all go our separate ways. we all do our own thing. i don't like it. at all.

but while i say that.... in my mind i know tony and i might leave california. and not go to texas, but go to another state that we have no family in.

and deep in my heart. i pray my mom follows me. my seestor follows me. kell and laur follow {long shot there for sure}. i know dad will visit because well if i offer to hunt and shoot with him. and buy him coffee. it's a win win ;)

you grow up thinking you will be so close to your parents and siblings. physically close. but then life happens. decisions have been made. life happens. other decisions have been made. and we all go in different directions. we all want different things. we are all at different stages in our lives.

just makes me sad.

but some good advice from a favorite blogger friend, kate, 'live for yourself and tony. not for you parents. they had their time. now is yours.' and she is so right. we have to do what we want. what is the best for us. our future kids. and future. family will always be there. even if we aren't physically close. i can only pray that they will follow me {right seestor :-P} or hey! at least visit often.

if any of you ladies live away from family, how do you cope...so to speak?


Rebekah said...

I understand this completely. It's hard being away from family and D's family has a harder time of it than mine does. We visit as much as we can (I go back 2-3 times a year) but we have made it a point to say that this is our life and with the military we won't be close by. At times it would be nice to be closer and when we have kids we'll wish we were but we are so thankful for technology and how easy it makes it to keep in touch. This life of ours is an adventure and we have gotten to do so many things we wouldn't have gotten to do if we just lived in OK and we feel so BLESSED because of it!

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