Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Afraid

We are in May and this is day 2 of rain and crappy weather here in so cal. I am just not having it! Just a few days ago it was in the 90s. And speaking of those few days ago.... we went to something call the ApCal festival in Fresno. We sat on the lawn, ate a bunch of cheese, drank a ton of wine and listened to live music. Oh it was like 80 degrees out in the evening. Perfect summer weather. Well with that said festival I did have take some photos, but being that my new iPhone broke for a second time, I only have a few to share.



Now on to a semi serious topic of what I am afraid of. Linking up with Jenni for BlogEveryDayInMay
We are all afraid of real life events or things not just spiders or snakes or someone chasing us in our dreams and not being able to scream or wake up. Yea...you know it happens to you too ;)

I am afraid, like extremely afraid of flying. I get anxious just walking into an airport even if I am not the one flying. There is something that really bothers me about not having full control over where I am going, how the plan is acting, being up so freakin' high. The turbulence. The stuffiness. The taking off. Oh my word I could just go on and on. Every single time I travel I take some kind of sleepy or relaxation pill. I want to remember nothing whatsoever about the flight. If a doctor could prescribe anesthesia, I would be on that in a heart beat.  I always think they worst thoughts in the world and feel like that is going to be my last breathe. My last hoorah in the world. Major unhealthy anxiety when it comes to planes. But they also fascinate me. I get physics and all, but how in the world does something so heavy fly and stay in flight?!?!? Or maybe I don't get physics....

I am afraid of dying. I know we all will one day. But it weirds me out to no end to think our life on this earth is limited. To think we will not always be around. Thinking about what's next? I believe in God, but maybe my faith isn't strong enough. Maybe I don't believe in heaven fully. I am just scared out of my mind to not be here one day. To not see where this world will be. To know that we come to an end. I don't know if this always makes sense, but literally just sitting here typing it I am making myself nauseous and extremely anxious. A major sick feeling. I obviously need help....

I am afraid of failing. Of letting people down. Not succeeding in life. Not making my husband proud. Or my parents proud. Yes I realize I am 29 years old, but I still feel the need to make my parents proud and not think I am a failure. There are certain things I haven't done in my life {due to my own personal issues} because I am afraid to fail. To fail and not get up again. My husband always has my back, and I hope my parents do too {although I feel at times they may not} yet I still am afraid to try different things. I go for new opportunities. I know this fear of failing comes back to my self esteem which I discussed here. I need to just go for it. Do things and know that failing isn't always a bad thing. Maybe it's the stigma of the word. Maybe I need to use a different word. Ideas?

5 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Found your blog via SOML. The only fear I share is the fear of dying. And really, I don't tend to think about MY death very often, but more the death of my husband or my babies. I believe in God too, but it's just so hard not knowing. I also get really anxious and get panicky. I never used to have panic attacks!

Gentel McKenney said...

I get really anxious about dying too because I really need to know what's next! I believe ... in God and in heaven and that this world is not all there is ... but the not knowing what it's like or how it works ?? Freaks me out too!

Rowena said...

Hi Lindsay, the fear of death thing...I'm more afraid of my family dying than me. I've already lost my dad so I try not to think about it. I love flying myself but know a lot of people who are afraid of flying.

I'm in socal too, weather is not great at the moment although the heat was getting to me last week!

Sharon Dugan said...

Lindsay I remeber before Erich died I had that same sick feeeling always when I thought of dying - and in a way it still freaks meout thinking one day I wont be here with you girls - that bothers me alot. But I know Erich is also up in heaven and he had that faith and I have to beleive him and in him and what he beleived - that it may be a different life up there but that we do go on.

The fear of failure - you have to beleive that it is a failure to try and not succeeed, it is a failure to never try. It is one huge scary ass step to take to try something new - but you have to jump head first in it and not worry about what if ... the what ifs take care of themselves. Your parents, i.e. me am so rpoud of you and would never think what you do as a failure. youare amazing in everything you do, successful or not. I am proud that you try. I gave you the afraid gene andI feel so bad about it - but YOU can conquer it. Just think that you do not want to be like me when you grow up...that will get you started!! I love you.

Rebekah said...

Oh goodness, I hate flying! I pray the entire time I'm in the air.

I'm also afraid of dying. My pastor spoke on this not too long ago and said that even he was. He said that it wasn't because he didn't know where he was going but because he hadn't done it before. I don't do well with unknown situations and dying is just that. I've never done it before and it scares me. But really, I know where I'm going and that gives me peace.