Thursday, March 27, 2014

Advice {from an Ultrasound Tech}

// When you go to the doctor or ER for OB/GYN issues, you shower right??? At least I do. I make sure to be super clean in fact...all groomed and fresh and well yea... you get it. Because I just have to say....doing vaginal ultrasounds on a daily basis, people are gross!! People don't shower on a daily basis. Shoot, I don't think they do on a weekly basis. People are stank!! All I ask is for you to bathe.

// When you go to the ER...don't bring your mom, and ten kids, and uncles and aunts with you. Bring only who is needed. Just your immediate family, and then maybe not even everyone. Everyone doesn't need to come into the ultrasound room with you. It's a hospital, not a hotel.

// Now we all know how gross hospital food is, so why do people come into the hospital ER, knowing you will be there for hours and instantly complain about being hungry. Asking for food, when will food be here, why haven't I received food yet. Shit!! You aren't an inpatient, you are an outpatient...bring your own damn food!

// Please tell your husband not to stand right behind me or breath in my ear while I do an OB ultrasound. It irritates me, it bothers me, it will make me unfriendly. He will get the results when you do.

// Also, please tell your husband or your mom or your gramma that I will not give them any results, no matter how many different ways you ask me, or try to be my friend in the 20 minutes I am scanning you. I still won't give you any results. You are no more special than the next patient.

// If you are getting an abdominal ultrasound and are asked to take a deep breathe and hold. Please do so. Release when you can't hold it anymore, but I know you can hold it longer than 5 seconds. Seriously, just as much as you want the exam over, I want it over too.

// When I ask you to take off your pants and underwear off because we will be doing an ultrasound and your feet need to go on the stirrups, take them!! don't just put them around your ankles. I am about to stick a prob up your va-jayjay, I don't want any vag juices rubbing on my arm.

// Again, when asked to disrobe from the waist down, you don't need to take your socks off. Honestly keep them on, maybe even put your shoes back on, because hot damn your feet stink!

Moral of the story...shower, be nice, listen to your tech, and be patient.


Holly said...

Ha!! This is great!!

Smiling is Good for Your Teeth said...

HAHA! people are so gross! haha

Maran (HeyHawleywood) said...

oh my god. You wrote " vag juice". I love you even more now. PS- who is not showering before having their legs spread?? Gross.